Homecoming Eve

I love this picture of Howie.

It's been a long time since I dressed him up. I must do more of that in the near future. He didn't mind when I dressed him in the shirt, or in my old sweatshirt -- it was the camera that bugged him.

I'm done here in Pennsylvania. I've done what I could, and now it's time to go home and heal up emotionally, and regain my strength physically.

I wanted to sit with my sister through her crises, be there for her if she was dying -- not that I think the poor isolated woman needs specifically ME, but she did need someone to keep her company in the darkness of her blindness and fear. I read to her, whether she was asleep or awake, my voice droning on, stopping only to get a drink to wet my throat. She listened, and seemed calmed by the reading. Three days ago she began to assert herself, muttering the sentences of her thoughts, often talking over my voice. She was taking care of herself.

Jan is very independent-minded. She wants to take care of herself -- when she's ready to care at all, now -- and trying to do for her is likely to get a very negative reaction. The one time we got her to drink, we did it by letting (and helping) her raise the cup to her lips; she's wanted to help with her bathing, taking the washcloth from the nurse; today she even swabbed out her own mouth rather than let the nurse mess with her.

For my mother, I managed to sell her truck and her extra property, giving her a few more $$$ in her trust fund. I fought for her right to live independently as long as she can, and let enough people know about her condition that the whole town will be looking out for her. She appreciated my actions far less than Jan did, and the hateful things she said in her dementia still pain me, even though I know that she's saying them out of paranoia and a lack of understanding.

The rest of their stories is up to them. Jan will have to keep learning how to cooperate with her caregivers, and my mother is in the hands of God. I don't know if either one of them will survive the year, frankly. There just isn't anything more I can do.

Except pray. God grant them both peace and joy in their seasons, however that is to pan out.