Tonight I'm just Off.
There's nearly two weeks to go before National Novel Writing Month. I've signed up, chosen a title, taken a few notes. Visiting their forums, I see names I recognize from other years; hundreds and hundreds of people getting excited about writing a novel in a month.
I'm about as excited as three-day-old road kill.
Other years, I've had a story to tell. An ending. A point. This year, there's nothing there. Especially there's no joy in the prospect.
I thought about writing a loosely interlinked series of essays, and assembling it into some kind of coherent novel at a later date. I thought of writing a fake memoir of a crazy man. This evening I toyed with the idea of writing fanfic. Any of those would be useful, eventually becoming stories for the Piker Press to publish. Then it occurred to me that I've been writing and sketching under a deadline since April of 2002. That won't stop in November. Why the hell do I want to be adding another deadline to my life when I can't even keep up with the dishes in the sink?
Do I do it to prove that I can? Out of some sense of "loyalty" to Chris Baty, the founder of NaNo? Sure, Chris knows I exist, and hopes I'll participate, but only in the way he knows and hopes for lots and lots of other people. If I just slither off, he's not going to lose any sleep over it, even if he notices, which he won't. Do I do it to "keep company" people with whom I've been acquainted through NaNo over the years? People with whom I keep company outside of NaNo anyway?
Or here's a thought: I'm not excited about NaNoWriMo 2005 because there's a very good chance that I'll not be able to come up with 50k words of a story. The prospect of not excelling is repugnant to me. At the end of November, I might have to say, "No, this one is not for anyone else to read." Select All, Delete.
The latest thought is to write what I think ought to be written down somewhere, no matter how offensive it is to the general populace. I was talking to Josh Brown about it one night, about a story I'd like to write. It would not be "Press-able" and it would not be politically correct. But then Dreamer wasn't, either, now was it?
Most likely I'll make up my mind on November 1st, when I wake up.
4 comments:
Great stuff! Been going to loads of cartoons lately. maybe you've checked out www.tmcm.com I swear its good!
By the way, the front cover looks nice. Real creative.
Even if you don't participate this year, the words you mentioned previously about just thinking that at the end of the month I will have written something, whether it be for someone else to read or not has gotten me finally interested in joining the NaNo.
Kris, I now have Too Much Coffee Man bookmarked, thanks to you. The Too Much White Chocolate Woman with Almonds is very disgusting, BTW.
Girlzoot, I'm there. I lust for another free book from Lulu. There is a book that I really need to write for posterity's sake, so I'll probably change the title of my prospective tome and have at it. I'm glad you're going to give NaNoWriMo a try.
You've summed up my feelings precisely.
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